How Does the Relationship We Have With Our Body Influence Our Lives?
The one thing each of us has—and that accompanies us throughout our entire time in this world—is our body. It is the fundamental condition of our existence and the means through which we relate to others. Given how central our body is to our lives, how much attention do we actually give to the relationship we have with it?
Just as each of us has a body, we also have a body image. Body image refers to how we think and feel about our body. The thoughts we hold about our body’s appearance, size, and functioning shape the relationship we develop with it. Over time, when our attention narrows and becomes focused on certain aspects of appearance, our perception of our body can become distorted.
When we focus only on the parts or features of our body that we want to change, and begin to define our body solely by what we are dissatisfied with, we inevitably enter into a struggle with it. This struggle involves efforts to escape painful thoughts and emotions related to the body—and it comes with consequences.
How Do We Know When Our Attention Has Narrowed?
Pause for a moment and imagine your body. Which part of your body did your attention go to first? What was the very first thought that came to mind, and what emotions did you notice? When you focus on a particular body part, what do you become aware of first? For example, when you think about your arms, is the thought “my arms are too saggy” or a feeling of disgust what accompanies you? Do these thoughts and emotions take over your attention, or are you able to hold a broader perspective that includes how your arms look and what they can do? For instance, do you also notice something your arms allow you to do—like hugging someone you love? In short, do you have a holistic view that takes into account all the roles and functions of your body?
When our view of our body is dominated by distressing thoughts and emotions, this is a sign that our attention has narrowed. When attention becomes stuck on the parts of our body that we believe are inadequate, not good enough, or in need of change, the struggle with body image begins.
What Is the Cost of Struggling With Body Image?
When we get caught up in thoughts such as “my arms are too saggy,” “I look like a blob of fat,” or “my hips are too wide,” or in emotions like disgust toward our body, we naturally want to escape from these distressing experiences. As a result, behaviors such as wearing loose clothing to hide the body, avoiding mirrors, exercising excessively, repeatedly checking the body, becoming overly preoccupied with food, or constantly comparing one’s body to others may emerge as expressions of this struggle.
Over time, these behaviors can begin to interfere with the flow of daily life and make it harder to live the life we want. They can lead to significant disruptions in eating behaviors, such as repeated dieting attempts or emotional eating, as well as negative consequences across many areas of life, including reduced participation in social activities and decreased self-confidence.
How Can We Broaden Our Attention Toward Our Body?
Imagine a part of your body that you want to change. As you hold this image, notice whether there is a difficult emotion present. Acknowledge that emotion. Notice whether there are difficult thoughts, and write them down. Take note of the thoughts and feelings you observe.
Next, try to look at this body part with curiosity. Pay attention to its function and its role in your life. What role does it play in your body? How does it support you? How does it contribute to your interactions with others?
Repeat this process for each body part you wish to change. Then imagine your body as a whole. See each body part as part of a complete and integrated body. Notice the body that accompanies you at every moment. Offer it your gratitude.
As you complete this exercise, what stood out to you about how you experienced your body? Take notes.
Look back at what you wrote. You may notice that some of these experiences feel new—like thoughts or emotions you had not realized you carried. Others may feel familiar: old thoughts and emotions that tend to show up when the relationship between you and your body becomes difficult.
Noticing the Struggle
At what times is your struggle with body image most likely to arise and take over your life?
Think about a recent moment when you found yourself struggling with your body image. What was happening just before the struggle began? Were there other people around? What thoughts and emotions did you notice right before it started? Which of them were inviting you into the struggle?
When the struggle occurs, what kinds of things do you do? What different ways have you found to try to push body image concerns away? What did you do to avoid hearing what your mind was saying or to get rid of those thoughts?
How well did what you did work in that moment? What was the outcome of your struggle strategies? Did they help you build the kind of relationship with your body that you want in the long run?
What could you have done differently that would have been more aligned with the life you want to live? What might the long-term consequences of that choice have been?
Written By: Dr. Clinical Psychologist Emine Serra NEBATİ