Parental Burnout

Parental Burnout 3
Ways Out and the Healing Process
In the previous chapter, we talked about how parental burnout develops in a cycle and which risk factors it is related to.
In this chapter, we focus on the main question: How can parents get out of burnout and what can be done in this process?

Burnout is not something that appears suddenly; it builds up over time, grows silently, and when not noticed, it drains the parent both physically and mentally.
But with the right strategies, it is possible to break this vicious cycle.
The suggestions in the book offer steps that can be applied both individually and in relationships.

Developing Emotional Awareness
The first step in overcoming parental burnout is noticing emotions.
Most of the time, parents try to suppress the anxiety they feel with behaviors like anger, avoidance, or overworking.
But the real solution is to notice these emotions early and name them correctly.

I want you to imagine a moment.
It’s Friday evening, and you come home from work feeling tired.
The whole week was very hard, you had arguments with coworkers, and you dreamed of resting at home on the weekend.
You came in and saw the house was messy.
You started cleaning up with frustration, then your son came back from school and excitedly started telling you about something that happened.
At that moment, you thought he was just getting in your way and making your work harder, and you yelled at him.

What is the thing that actually made you angry in this situation? Your son?
It may be helpful to ask ourselves these questions:
“What am I feeling right now?”
“Is this anger coming from my child, or is it a reflection of another tiredness?”

Naming emotions correctly makes it easier to put them into words.
When emotions are expressed, they gain meaning and the inner load becomes lighter.
Research shows that emotional skill level is one of the strongest psychological protective factors in coping with stress.
In other words, recognizing, understanding, and expressing our emotions is a kind of “life skill.”
The good news! This skill can be learned and improved.

Renewing Our Resources
One of the main reasons for burnout is that parents consume their own resources without refilling them.
Sleep, nutrition, rest, and social support are the basics of these resources.
But during busy parenting periods, most mothers and fathers put their own needs in the background.

At this point, small but regular steps can make a big difference.
Spending 15 minutes a day just for yourself—whether a coffee break, a short walk, or reading a few pages of a book—provides mental and physical renewal.
A parent who does not neglect their own well-being can also provide better care for their child.

Many parents say things like, “I would give my life for my son/daughter.”
But how many parents can say, “For my child, I take care of myself, I pay attention to my health, I exercise daily, I choose what I eat carefully, in short, I live by loving and valuing myself”?
What is more important: sacrificing yourself and consuming yourself for your child, or living a balanced life and being a good example for them?

Living in Line with Values
One factor that increases parental burnout is constantly living according to others’ expectations and trying to maintain the image of the “perfect parent.”
But every family, every individual, has their own values.

Parents are encouraged to ask themselves these questions:
“What are the most important values for me? Simplicity, peace, success, spirituality?”
“How much is my relationship with my child in line with these values?”
“What does good parenting mean for me?”

Defining our own values and shaping our parenting style accordingly increases inner peace for the parent and gives the child a more real, more sincere parenting experience.

The Power of Co-Parenting
Another point the book emphasizes is co-parenting.
When mother and father carry out parenting duties together, with agreement and solidarity, it reduces burnout and supports the child’s development.

Co-parenting includes:

• Sharing daily tasks (feeding, bathing, preparing school things).
• Making decisions about the child’s education together.
• Maintaining open and respectful communication between partners.
• Avoiding arguments and blame in front of the child.

When one parent constantly criticizes the other or devalues their partner in front of the child, it harms not only the couple’s relationship but also the trust built with the child.
The child may feel forced to take sides with one parent.
This can leave deep wounds that may lead to “parental alienation/distancing.”
What should be done is to discuss such matters when the child is not around, after calming down, and with constructive language.

Setting Healthy Boundaries for the Child
Setting boundaries in parenting is a key element that both prevents parental burnout and supports the child’s development.
Children need certain limits to feel safe.
But these limits should be age-appropriate, suitable for their level of development, limited, and understandable.

It is not realistic to expect the child to finish every bite on their plate during a meal or eat without spilling anything.
Instead, it is healthier to set rules appropriate to the child’s age and explain why they are important.
This way, the parent is not constantly disappointed, and the child can understand and follow what is expected of them.

Positive discipline plays a big role in protecting against burnout.
To do this, showing satisfaction every time the child follows the rules and setting calm but consistent limits when they don’t, gives both safety and clarity in parenting.

Solidarity and Constructive Conflict in the Couple’s Relationship
The biggest support in carrying the stress of parenting is often the relationship between partners.
But when this relationship is strained, burnout increases even more.
The book offers practical suggestions for couples to protect the quality of their relationship:

• Do not forget to show care to your partner even in hard times.
• Try not to reflect the feelings that wear you down directly onto your partner.
• Accept your partner’s flaws, avoid perfectionism.
• Instead of reading your partner’s mind after an incident (“If they act like this, they don’t love me, they don’t respect me, they don’t value me”), communicate openly.
• If you are a woman, try to reduce criticism; if you are a man, try not to avoid difficult conversations.
• Stay completely away from violence and insults.
• Notice and express your partner’s positive qualities. Try to balance negative interactions with three positive ones.
• Use humor; especially making sweet jokes about yourself reduces tension.
• Share not only your partner’s happiness but also their sadness.
• Regularly review the division of tasks and be flexible when needed.
• Spend quality time with your partner: create special spaces for conversation, affection, and intimacy.
• Do not neglect the quality of your sexual relationship.

Conclusion
Parental burnout is not just tiredness; it is a process that leaves deep effects on a person’s identity, relationships, and health.
Gaining awareness, recognizing and expressing our own emotions, renewing our resources, and strengthening cooperation with our partner are the most important steps in breaking this process.

Parenting is a lifelong journey.
The most critical point in this journey is to fairly dedicate time and energy to both ourselves and our loved ones.
Because the stronger our resources are compared to the risks we face, the harder it will be for burnout to take hold of us.

For the well-being of your children and your family, first take good care of yourself.

Written by: Psychologist Tuğana GÜLTEKİN