Kaygı Misafiri
Anxiety, that some of us have been hearing about frequently lately and others have been familiar with for a long time for various reasons, is an important part of life for each of us. We may have expressed it with different words; we may have referred to it as stress, fear, distress, worry, or panic. We may have felt it in many ways, such as tightness in our chest, trembling in our voice and hands, sweating, feeling cold, or shivering. At certain times in our lives, we find anxiety at our doorstep like a guest. That familiar fluttering before an exam, our breathing quickening before an important presentation, or the tension we feel inside when meeting someone new... Each of these is actually a reflection of our mind's effort to protect us. The mind sends the message, “You need to be careful,” and the body accompanies this message. So how does anxiety affect our lives and behaviors? There may be many situations we are aware of and many we are not.
But sometimes anxiety doesn't just appear in critical moments; it spreads through daily life like a fine mist. A restlessness that begins as soon as you wake up in the morning, a constant state of worry that haunts you throughout the day, a tension that still won't leave your body when you come home in the evening... This time, anxiety is not a guest; it begins to roam around the house, even taking control from time to time.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) helps us understand anxiety not just as an “ unpleasant feeling,” but through the predictions our mind makes, the emotions these predictions generate, and the behaviors these emotions drive. According to CBT, anxiety often begins with a thought:
“What if something goes wrong?”
This thought speeds up the heartbeat, shortens the breath, and tenses the muscles. Then the person develops certain behaviors to protect themselves: avoiding, procrastinating, withdrawing, or trying to control things excessively. So anxiety is not just a feeling we “feel” — it is also a result of “what we think” and “how we behave.” With this perspective, approaching anxiety with compassion becomes much easier. Because then we understand that anxiety is not a weakness, a defect, or a personality flaw, but a process related to our mind sometimes sounding the alarm more than necessary while trying to protect us. And because it is a process, it can be changed, managed, and transformed. Let's explore together how this guest of anxiety visits us in our lives wearing different clothes.
Anxiety in Social Relationships: A person may fear being misunderstood, appearing inadequate, or not being loved. Thoughts such as “Is he/she angry with me?” constantly occupy the mind. As a result, withdrawal or excessive conformity behaviors may emerge.
Anxiety in Romantic Relationships: A partner's delayed response to a message or lack of engagement during a busy period may be perceived as threatening. The person may interpret this as a possibility of rejection or abandonment. This can lead to either excessive closeness or sudden withdrawal.
Anxiety in Work and Academic Life: Fear of giving presentations, making mistakes, or being criticized may be prominent. Perfectionism and excessive effort often fuel anxiety. Procrastination or avoidance of responsibility is common.
Anxiety in Daily Routines: The person may be constantly on alert, feeling the need to control everything. It becomes difficult to tolerate uncertainty, and worries may increase when idle. Falling asleep may become difficult, or one may wake up tense in the morning.
Anxiety in Self-Perception: Rigid thoughts such as “I'm not good enough” or “I mustn't make mistakes” come to the fore. The person may be overly critical of their own performance or value. This undermines self-confidence and reinforces the cycle of anxiety.
Anxiety in the Emotional Realm: Restlessness, tension, and an inability to tolerate uncertainty are common. The person may fear losing control or feel vulnerable. Emotions can fluctuate rapidly and intensify.
Anxiety in the Mental Realm: Anxiety in the mind often begins with questions like “What if...?” The mind quickly magnifies negative scenarios and makes them feel real. This keeps the person on guard against non-existent dangers.
Anxiety is not a harmful guest, as we might initially think. In fact, its purpose in our bodies is to protect us from potential dangers. If we only allow it into our lives in truly dangerous situations, anxiety is a very useful emotion.
To establish a healthy relationship with it, we must first recognize anxiety. When it arises, assessing whether the situation we are in is truly dangerous is the first step in managing anxiety. This allows us to see anxiety not as an enemy but as a guide, enabling us to make more conscious choices in our lives.
Written By: Psychologist Melike Ayşe AĞIRMAN