To Control or Not to Control: That Is the Question
The human mind always wants to have an idea about the course of things or events. What it dislikes the most, therefore, is uncertainty. What traffic will be like tomorrow, the weather forecast, what kind of person one will meet, whether one will find a job, how a surgery will go, whether one will live or die, or how many years one will live… If you did not struggle to continue this list while reading, it means you too have a perfectly normal mind.
But is uncertainty something we can eliminate?
Is this a realistic question, or are we fighting windmills?
Although we wish to remove uncertainty, it is not an option in the life we live. Life shows us that it is a dynamic phenomenon, constantly reshaped by possibilities within the flow of fate. Rather than memorizing every possibility or attempting to rule over destiny, adapting to the intrinsic dynamism of life will add to the human mind one of its most essential qualities: flexibility.
What does it mean to adapt, and how is this flexibility cultivated?
By learning to tolerate uncertainty—if we think of it as a muscle, we can strengthen this muscle through different life events. Instead of trying to make uncertainty definite, we can accept its presence and support ourselves with the understanding that uncertainty does not automatically mean something negative (although that, too, remains a possibility). We reinforce this stance through our behaviors.
Does this include the possibility of losing someone we love? Or an incident that suddenly derails the train of life? Our own life? Should we not think about how long we will live?
Answers that cannot be found by thinking alone, but can only be seen and reached through living, tend to push our minds toward excessive thinking. While trying to tie the tails of foxes together, you suddenly realize that forty foxes have declared their independence in your mind without their tails ever even touching. We call these excessive thoughts rumination—just like in the fox example, it refers to an endless cycle that continuously invites more of the same. At precisely this point, when we notice that we are not actually resolving uncertainty but merely trying to suppress the anxiety it creates, we can open a new window and let the foxes out. For although anxiety is not a feeling that can be entirely eliminated, it is not a very good companion when it comes to uncertainty either. Remaining present with the anxiety that accompanies uncertainty and staying there strengthens our “muscle” over time, allowing us to stand in a more balanced position in relation to our thoughts.
And that balanced place lies precisely somewhere between controlling and not being able to control.*
*A small correction: not “not controlling,” but “not being able to control.”
Written By: Ayşe Selin ZORLU